Journey Restarted: Part Four

June 26th.

We finally have a date scheduled for the actual surgery. June 26th. I had hoped to have it at the end of April to the beginning of May, however, I haven’t got a cardiac clearance yet, so I have to wait a little longer. I’m in the process of changing my cardiologist and I couldn’t make an appointment until June 13th. This is why I have to wait until the end of June.

The main part I have to wait for is approval from the insurance company, which they do pay for bariatric surgery. I think the only thing I wish they’d tell me is how much. It’s like the amount of money through the whole thing has been a huge secret, that they can’t tell me until two or three days before the actual appointment. Then I have to hope I have enough money to even go to the appointment. For example, they scoped my stomach a couple weeks ago. The appointment was on a Friday, they told me Wednesday that I needed $1500 for the actual procedure and 200$ for the doctor.

Don’t get me wrong, they did tell me at the start of this how much the surgery would be with the insurance if I don’t hit my out of pocket. However, they didn’t tell me how much it would be if I do hit my out of pocket, which I did, && I doubt they’ll tell me anytime soon. I’m hoping I have enough saved.

But I am nervous and excited at the same time.

I’m nervous because I have seen a lot of people talk about how their blood sugar is now extremely low && can only do so much to keep it up. I am used to having high blood sugar levels, so the thought of it being low, && not knowing what to do, scares me. They also talk about stinking all the time. I’ve always been paranoid about smelling bad, so that makes me nervous. Although, more people say that they don’t stink compared to the ones who say they do. They have stated that they do smell slightly different, not bad, just different.

I’m excited though. I’m excited about the thought of eating like a normal person. I was talking to someone I work with the other day && they were talking about how they can take two or three bites (they didn’t have the surgery, they use the shots that work for a little while until you stop taking them then you put all the weight back on, no, not a fan of using those shots as weight loss) and is full. I sat there smiling thinking “I can’t wait for that”. Food wise, I’m excited about the pudding, yogurt and Jello. I am also a big fan of soup, so that’s something else I’m excited for. But most of all, I’m excited at the thought that maybe, just maybe, I will not be diabetic any longer.

Being diabetic is hard.

The only thing I have been wondering is what will it do with my heart. I know my heart is doing better now than it was when I was hospitalized, but is that because of the medication I take for it? If I were to stop talking it, would my heart go back to the way it was in 2021? Will this surgery help with that && maybe not be on the medication any longer? I know it won’t fix my kidney issues, but I’m hoping it’ll at least slow down the decrease in function. I know my high blood sugar is not helping my kidney’s work properly. && the fact that one of them is smaller than normal, && then take in the function has decreased. Will the surgery assist in slowing all that down?

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Journey Restarted: Part Three

I don’t know where I stand with the weight loss surgery today.

Yesterday I went down to Flower Mound for the EDG (I would put what it’s actually called, but I can’t spell it) – basically, they put a camera down my throat with a little light to check things out. It wasn’t a long test. I figured I would go down there, they do their thing, && then they like the results and I move forward.

But welcome to my life.

They found a polyp.

Which of course I googled that. You’d think after google has said I have died at least ten times I’d stop googling things. But I’m that person that needs to know what’s happening. Otherwise I panic. && when I panic I’m no longer me. So I google “stomach polyp”.

“Most polyps are benign, meaning they’re noncancerous. But because they are due to abnormal cell growth, they can eventually become malignant, or cancerous.“

Otherwise, everything was fine. Well, except the food I ate Thursday night around 6PM was still in my stomach && according to the hospital staff, it’s because of my Trulicity shot. So basically, if I am cleared for the surgery, I’ll probably have to go on a liquid diet a week or two before the surgery because there can’t be any food in my stomach at the time of the surgery.

I just don’t know at the moment what’s happening. My next appointment is the 18th. I’m hoping I don’t have to wait that long to figure things out.

Journey Restarted: Part 2

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

I don’t want to look at it like a challenge. But at the same time, I know there will be challenges included into it. My biggest challenge in the next six months will be the weight loss surgery. I know I will be great && do just fine, but there will be challenges.

Right now, I am just zooming through the objectives I have to accomplish before I can even have surgery. I went to the first of three dietician appointments this month. She basically said the same thing the last one did – although, I was a little surprised to see that it wasn’t the same dietician as it was last year. && good news! She didn’t yell at me. She wants me to walk daily, for thirty minutes, to get in the habit because I’ll need to do so after surgery. One of the first things that you lose is muscle mass, so I have to be on top of that. What else did we talk about?

Last week I had the appointment with the, pardon me for what I call it, crazy doctor. This was the same one I spoke to in 2022 when I started the first journey. She asked the same questions and was excited about the same things when I talked about them. Mostly, the fact that I love to cook – she said that is one step in the right direction. She does have a lot of faith in me though. She said she can see me doing really well at this journey && has no worries about approving me to do it.

Next month will be my second of third dietician visits, && then I have a few more things I have to do. But I’m just cruising right along so far.

Journey Restarted.

Today was my second-first consultation with the weight loss surgeon. I didn’t think he would remember me, but when he walked in he smiled && said “welcome back”. Then of course asked “so, what happened?” I told him the truth – money issues.

It was the same as the first time we spoke last year. I’m going to get the duodenal switch. Basically they will take half of my stomach out && hook my intestines up a little different. (If I can get my computer to load it, I’ll put a picture in that shows it). 

I’m excited && petrified at the same time. It’s a weird feeling. (I hope the picture is clear for y’all, it’s a little blurry on my screen).

I have already set up all three of my dietician appointments (have to have three, once a month) for the insurance && doctors approval. The only thing different on the page of “what I must accomplish before surgery” was that he wants a list of diets && exercises I have done in the past. I figured I have a week to get that done – my first dietician appointment is next Tuesday (February 13th). 

I’m excited because I may actually fix a couple of my health issues. I won’t say it all because I don’t know that it will. Everyone I talk to that has had the surgery is no longer diabetic && doesn’t have high blood pressure anymore. That’s two issues. The kidney issues will be helped by not having those anymore – but where my kidney’s stand right now is where they’ll be until they just get worse. The heart issues SHOULD – && I say should – get a little better. But I don’t know if I’ll be off my medication for that – or the kidneys.

I’m petrified of being put under. I am scared every time I’ve ever been put under. I was put under when they took out my gallbladder && I was put under for a colonoscopy. The colonoscopy – other than kind of waking up in the middle of the procedure – it was fine. When I had my gallbladder taken out && they woke me up, I nearly punched a nurse. I remember four nurses holding me down. I’m scared that I won’t wake up from it. I know it’s rare for that to happen, but the bigger you are, the more chance of it you have. Especially when you have issues sleeping, high blood pressure, etc.

Then of course, I think I’ve mentioned that I have unrealistic worries. 
I worry that I will have a big head.
I worry that it won’t fix my health issues.
I worry that the surgery won’t work.
I worry that I will lose too much weight.
I worry Boyfriend is going to leave. Which, by the way, I didn’t have this worry until a guy I used to work with told me “you know Barb, he started dating you overweight, what’s going to happen if you lose the weight? He may leave.” Ugh! Stupid Mario!
I worry my personality will change.
I worry I will no longer be funny.
See? Dumb worries.

But! I’m excited at the idea that I can buy clothes in stores.
Have a lap my cats can sit in.
Maybe run a marathon?
Have a jawline for the first time in my life.

Remind me to write a blog telling you guys about how long I have been overweight && the fact that I have never been thin. Because that’s going to be a shock!

OH! I also worry that I am going to be uglier than I am now. Most people that have had the surgery – they are breathtaking. Then there is like a 23% of people that… I look at the before picture, when they are overweight, and then look at the skinny version of them && I think hmm… you were better looking fat. I don’t want that. I mean it’s fine if I am not drop dead gorgeous, I don’t know if I’d know what to do. But I don’t want to be uglier than I am right now. You know?

Waiting Games.

I’m not a fan of waiting games.

I’m one of those people that if I call a business, any business, I think they should answer the phone. && if they pay someone to just answer phones, that person should answer the phone. I don’t like leaving messages, because when I leave a message – no one calls me back.

I called the weight loss surgeon’s office today. It’s been three weeks && one day since I last called them to inquire about starting the journey over. I got an answering machine – at 2:30 PM. So I left my name, number, date of birth && a brief message, just like it asked me to.

Do I think I’m going to get a call back? No, I honestly don’t.

I had a doctor once that never answered the phone. Even though they paid someone to sit at the front desk && answer phones. The recording said “press one for texting”. If I physically call you – I don’t want to text you. Mostly because most people can’t read. As harsh as that is, people can’t read. && they see my text message and for some reason when I use full words, and complete English, they can’t read. Actually that’s not true. 

I’m annoyed.

People can read. I just don’t like to wait. 

If the surgeon people want to know why I stopped going last year all they have to do is ask. I’ll tell them the truth. Trust me, it takes too much to lie. But they aren’t even asking questions. They just haven’t called me back. The 8th, when I called them, “we will call you back”. Three weeks later. 

I don’t know what else to do. I guess I will just wait some more. I just want to get this journey started over so I can get to the point of having the surgery. I’m tired of feeling like I do all the time && it’s because of my weight. 

I need help.

Goals & What Nots.

What is the biggest goal you’re working towards?

I have been very honest the last few weeks about my biggest goal for myself right now. Weight loss surgery.

Once upon a time in the life of Barb, she thought it was a short cut. A round about way to lose weight. An easy way out. But through the years I have realized it’s not. It’s a tool. A very expensive tool that aids you in losing weight that is eventually going to kill you.

I have to look at it like that. I have to look at it through different perspective or I’m not going to do it. && no, the place hasn’t called me back. So I’m going to call them tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully this time I’ll be able to make a way in. Because I’m ready.

I do have worries – but when am I not worrying? Ask anyone – I worry all the time.

I worry I won’t make it through the surgery. I haven’t read anything about anyone ever dying during surgery. Afterwards – yes – but it’s mostly because they didn’t take care of themselves. Didn’t do what they needed to do to keep up their vitamin levels, etc. 

I’m scared my heart won’t hold up. I know my cardiologist said that my heart is doing better – but at the same time, how much better? People pass when put under all the time. That I have read about.

I’m just tired of feeling like I do all the time && faking it around people so they don’t worry. Yesterday marked 3 years since I was hospitalized. Three years since I nearly died. I don’t want to face that again anytime soon. So I know that I NEED to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.