I’m sadly not an authority in anything.

I want to get a second job to make some extra money – mostly for small things around the house.  But I realized a few months/years ago that I am way to lazy.  (My sit down computer job made me this way.)  && I realized that i don’t want to do anything.  I went through a list of places hiring around town: Homeland (town grocery store) – I would only want to be a cashier but I would want a reclining chair.  But I just know they’d want me to stock shelves and wouldn’t give me a scooter cart to do so.  Valero is hiring, (convenience store) – basically, when you work there you do everything.  Sometimes working completely alone and not having anyone to help for hours at a time.  Have you ever tried to run a register, cook deep fried bad for foods, stocks shelves, and handle pissed off truckers at the same time?  No?  Eh, neither have I.  &&& I don’t really want to.  Most of the fast food places are hiring, but I have been there and I don’t particularly like the jokes that come along with being in a “fast food” place when you’re overweight.  ((Being a chef is different when you’re overweight.  That’s when they LOVE you.))

So basically what I am saying is that i want a part-time job where I don’t have to do anything.  What kind of idea did I have?  That’s right!  Online job.  There are many online jobs that only problem I have – I am not any good at anything.  I don’t have any particular knowledge about anything to do online jobs.

I also went through the list of blogging for money but everything says the same thing, “is looking for experienced online freelance writers who are credible authorities in their fields and capable of conveying information to users in a friendly, enthusiastic, and compelling way.”  

What was I getting at?

See! That’s my problem.

Gotta go!

I have read many web pages dedicated to a movie where the cast of ‘Saved By The Bell’ gets back together and you find out what has happened since 1994 until now.  So as I lay here this morning watching ‘Saved By The Bell’ on Netflix I wonder to myself, what exactly could have happened to the characters of the show.

Zack and Kelly got married at nineteen while still in college.  Today they’d be 41 and still married – happily, even after twenty-two years of marriage.  We’d assume after the marriage they had so much sex they went through thirteen beds – so we are looking at at least one kid probably around the age of 19, and we’re going to assume it’s a boy, Zack Morris Jr.  Not only did he take after his dad in looks he also took after his attitude, and scheming ways but lucky for him, his principal in High School would of course be an old Mr. Belding (who is still married to his loving wife and raising their wonderful child.)

I don’t believe they ever actually specified what they were in college for so we’re going off of how they were in high school.  Kelly, would of course be a middle school English teacher.  She loved helping and has a soft spot for children.  Zack would be iffy – having not really done much in high school we are going to assume he done something where he could spend more time with his wife.  Principal.  After college Zack and Kelly moved back to their home town where Zack would be the vice principal underneath Mr. Belding until he retired and Zack becoming full fledged principal.

AC Slater after college became a professional football player having all of his dreams come true until in 2004 when he was hit awkwardly on the football field breaking his left leg, arm, and messing up his face that he was unable to go back.

He married his college sweat heart in 1999 and have three children, two boys (born: 2001 & 2003) and a girl (born: 2004).  Everything was picture perfect for AC, even after getting a job at Bayside as the coach for football and track, until his wife decided his cheating ways were enough – taking the children and leaving.  AC didn’t put one and one together, claiming he wasn’t cheating, until he spoke to Zack and he explained that he’s been having a silent affair with Jessie since Zack and Kelly’s wedding.

AC fought the notion for two years after his wife left stating that he wasn’t having sex with a woman that lived in another complete state.  Kelly informed him that sex isn’t the only way to cheat that his incessant need to talk to Jessie daily, about work, his life, dreams and family is just as bad as if he had had sex with her.

Jessie through AC’s life for a loop when she showed up for the wedding in ’94, as they had been apart for a few years and hadn’t seen each other.  They both realized just how much they cared for each other and wanted to stay in touch.  Through the years they lost touch and regained touch many times before AC was married and they both decided friendship is all they’d want.  Jessie was never married – at least to another human.  She ended up “marrying” her work and became the CEO of one of the largest banks in California history.

After AC’s wife left Jessie got the nerve and discussed with AC about him moving to be with him and them having a future together.  As much as it appealed to him her lifestyle wasn’t something he had in mind and decided to stay at Bayside beside Zack and Kelly.

Lisa lived her dreams.  After attending college at FIT she started her own fashion line becoming the top selling brand worldwide.  Between the ages of 25 and 33 she had found herself married and divorced three times, and having three children (a girl, Kristine, b. 2000, a boy, Michael James, b.2002, & a girl, Jordyn, b. 2003.)

Screech is probably the one that would shock and awe many people.  He didn’t find a life like the rest.  He was never married and never had children.  After college everyone went their separate ways hoping to fulfill a life they all dreamed about.  Screech, however, didn’t.  He applied at many jobs from flipping burgers to being a top member of a popular I.T. company in California.  However, sadly, everyone seemed to give him the same answer – that he was overqualified for the job.  Basically he was worth more than they wanted to pay.

Depression, for him, sunk in quickly when he realized at the age of 30 he was still living in his parents basement.  Drugs and alcohol became his best friend until his mother phoned Zack, because she was so worried about Screech, and explained to him what was going on.  Zack spoke to the school board and was happy to tell Screech that there was a job, as a science teacher, open for him and being held.  All he would have to do is accept.

Mr. Belding continued to be principal at Bayside until retiring at the age of 53 in 2008 leaving the ranks to Zack (who was only 34.)  After retiring he chose to be a homebody working on outside products and actually being able to enjoy watching television.

Tori, for anyone that remembers her, graduated with part of the crew.  After graduation she went on to college, more than likely out of state, and while there realized that the living a lie must stop.  After the off & on relationship with Zack Morris in high school she realized she never dated a guy again.  Instead, she finally realized that her heart was meant for women, and while in college met the love of her life and to this day – living happily together.

The two women together have adopted three children and live on a farm in Wisconsin.

But then again… I could be wrong on everything.

Tonight on my way home from work I began wondering if I am an enabler for behavior I don’t agree with.  Do I, without realizing it, tell people that I am okay with them treating other people horribly and without any care whatsoever?  What gives me the right to ever let someone sit somewhere and bash another person without telling them to stop and think about this first?

I am a listener.  I have been since I can remember.  I want people to be happy and I figure that if I listen to them rant, rave, and complain that somewhere they will just automatically turn happy.  However, I’m not happy.  Through this whole process that I’m holding their hand for, I’m not happy.  I’m not happy listening to grown adults trash talk one another over which one took the last piece of college rule lined paper from the bigger desk.  I’m not happy as I sit there, in my chair at work, and listen to women, who happen to be older than me, call someone else an ugly whore with no morals.  I’m not happy when I listen to two women sit across from one another screaming obscenities over some of the dumbest reasons.

Now I wonder, if all of these times I sit there and allow them to rant to me about other people, am I enabling them to treat people like crap?  Am I telling them this behavior is okay and they should continue doing it?

The biggest thing I have been toying with is – would it stop if I were to tell them I refuse to enable a behavior i don’t agree with?   Just tell them no, I refuse to listen.  Would that make them realize that the way they are treating people is wrong and they should seriously rethink their strategy?


After two years of writing I finally finished the rough-ruff (yes, that’s exactly how I have decided to spell it) of my novel “Frost”.  I have been waiting patiently for the day I was able to say that, but now that I am & have, I’m a little on the scared side.  When you’re writing it it’s still a secret in your mind.  Planning out everything & then putting them to words.  The moment you’re able to tell people that you’re done and on to the editing process people get excited.

But now I go into the editing process I wonder to myself, “is this going to be any good?”  I’m trying so hard not to toss it into the trash and running away like a coward but it’s extremely hard.

After I finished the rough-ruff draft I decided to sit and scan the whole story – basically rereading what I had forgotten that I had wrote.  To me, yes, I still find a few clever things I had written and I got all excited.  But then I wonder, do I find it clever and good because I wrote it?  Or do I find it good because it’s actually good.  My wondering mind seems to go all over the place – crazily.  Maybe I should stop wondering.

Either way I have been working way too long just to throw it away, so that’s not an option.  I’m going to continue and I’m going to edit, etc, until I am completely satisfied with what I have written, even if it turns out to be complete crap.  Then one day – hopefully, get published.  Maybe.  I might just keep my first novel in a box in the back of my closet and let it collect dust.

New Things.

Posted: November 14, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I realized the other night, while trying to make dinner, that I am in a rut.  A cooking rut.  I never thought that was actually a thing.  But apparently it is.  And I am in it.

Trying to find new things to make is actually more complicated than I thought.  Mostly because everything anymore had like cups beyond cups of red or white wine – I don’t keep any form of alcohol in the house.  Maybe I should start?  I don’t know.  I’m not even sure if I even know where to buy red or white wine.

The new recipe trend started a few weeks ago when I attempted to make chicken enchilada’s.  Turned out really well – the boyfriend really enjoyed it.  Or at least that’s what he said.  I’m still curious if he’d even tell me the truth if I made something that was horrible.

1chicken enciladas

I have a made a few other things.  One night I made alfredo sauce from scratch, & made a crock pot roast.  Both seemed to turn out good.  Sadly, I didn’t picture of the take either of those.  Just know one looked like alfredo sauce & the other looked like a roast.  I can find pictures randomly on the internet if it’ll make this post better.

Last night I decided to make a Rachel Ray recipe I came across through facebook, Lasagna Sloppy Joes.  


The sauce itself was good other than I couldn’t get it to thicken.  I wonder if it’s because she used wine & I did not.  But everything else I substitute wine for something else seems to work.  But this, wouldn’t thicken.  Maybe I did something else incorrect, I was really tired and was thinking about sleep, but I feel like I did it right.  That, & my town grocery store does NOT sell cibata rolls, so I had to buy the frozen ones and it’s all I could taste was the bread itself.  Then of course that bread was hard.  So mental note: Do not use frozen cibata bread.  Go to a bigger store next time.

Tonight, since it’s bowling night for me, I’m thinking about making a slow cooker Chinese meal.  I found a recipe for General Tso’s, but I’m nervous as crap for that.  White person attempting Chinese food.  Mexican’s do it well – but I’m not that either.  That was funnier in my head than in print.

General Tso’s and sesame noodles seems to be a good way to start cooking Chinese food.  Don’t ya think?

Quote of the Day.

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!
Audrey Hepburn

…worse enemy

Posted: October 1, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I decided that I am my own worst enemy.  Hard thing to admit, but it’s true.  I am the reason my book isn’t getting finished.  &&& what I decided the most is that it’s not because I can’t write.  All I would have to do is sit down and write.  But it seems when I sit down to write I find something else to do.  Then, I turn around and blame it not having inspirations (although, at one point I didn’t have any, but I do now.) or not being able to write when I want to.

Truth is – I’m lazy.  I never thought a person could be too lazy to sit in a chair && do nothing but hit buttons on a keyboard.  But apparently I am.  I go into my “writing room” – which isn’t actually that, it’s an empty room that my computer sits in with a calendar, cork board, & dry erase marker board on the walls – pull out my chair, sit down, roll around the wooden floor screaming “weeeeeeeeeee” for about thirteen and a half minutes – finally pull up my story and then I sit and stare at the words on the screen.  My eyes bounce around the words as my brain tries to decide if I want to remove some of them.  When it finally decides to stop they bounce around the room.  I’ll turn around in circles in the chair.  I’ll roll over to the window and stare out at it, which would be my sister-in-law’s house.  I watch the children run up and down the road screaming, laughing, and having fun.  I’ll get a grip on the wall and push hard, rolling my chair across the room until it stops abruptly on the other wall.

I do this for awhile.

I always feel so accomplished when I finish a chapter.  Especially if the chapter has given me a tiny headache.  When I finished chapter twelve I was so excited because that means I was going to start chapter thirteen.  As I pulled up word to begin chapter thirteen I got discouraged and aggravated.  That would be the moment I wish I could wiggle my nose &&& the words just appear on the paper.  Yes.  I know it doesn’t work like that.  But it would be nice.

As I sit here I have wrote maybe three or four pages into chapter thirteen.  Just staring at that blank chapter is a moment where you just think ‘ugh!  Never going to finish!’

I eventually roll myself away from my desk and into the living room, abandoning my rolling chair and removing myself to stare at some shitcom playing on one of the six channels I receive in my living room.  I sit on my lovely couch & think that only a few minutes of television then I will go write some more.  (Just fyi: at the point, I haven’t wrote a single word.)

Fifteen hours later I awake in a puddle of drool and crusted over eyes & realize somewhere I fell asleep and it’s now tomorrow.  At this point, it’s still dark outside and I decide that if I go to sleep, in my bed right now, I will wake up at a decent time.

But first, I’m hungry.

After rummaging through my kitchen, I shovel the food in, yes, using a shovel, my mouth before I proceed to go to bed way too full.  In the middle of the night I wake up with heartburn so bad I have to vomit back up all of the food I decided to shovel into my face, half of which falls out of my bra and onto the bathroom floor.

Sweaty and weak I take myself back to bed where I doze off again.  49 hours later, I awake with a headache so bad I can’t open my eyes or move my legs.  (How that works, I’m not sure.)  I wake up in just enough time to go back to sleep so I can get a little sleep before going back to work.

I work three days, twelve hours a day – that’s it.  Then on Tuesday I repeat everything I did the previous week.

I’m mostly joking.  Expect for the truth in there.  I will leave it to you to decide what is true.