Dear Diary – Every Day’s A Struggle,

I feel like I’m going backwards.  The week of pay day is always a little harder than every other day.  Know what I mean?

I get paid Friday (every two weeks) so I can restock my goodies.  But Christmas is coming up and I am going to eventually start feeling bad about buying stuff for myself.  This is my yearly dilemma.  Sometimes I wonder if this is half the reason I cannot keep up with weight loss.  Do it for so long, thinking about no one but myself, and then I realize that I’m thinking about no one but myself.

I start feeling bad.

I have been eating left overs for the last couple of days.  I know it’s silly to really think about it, but I typically leave all of my calories for the evening.  Which is said to not do so, but I do.

Everyone does something they shouldn’t do.  That’s mine.  (Breakfast has never been my friend.  But that’s for another day.)  But I feel as if I have been eating way too many calories.  I still walk, every day, for at least thirty minutes (which is approximately a mile for me, I’m slow), so I’m still doing my thing.  But how well is it if you eat 5,000 calories a day and only burn 200?  (I don’t eat 5,000 calories a day, maybe 2,000 to the most) – but either way it’s still not good.

I’m rambling.

What I’m saying – is that I have had a rough few days.  Maybe it isn’t rough.  Maybe it’s not as many calories as I think.  Maybe – just maybe – I haven’t put back on my 13 pounds.

That would be nice.

 

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13 Down – 30 More To Go.

I made myself a small goal.  Nothing huge.  Mostly because I need goals to be reachable.  If I give myself a huge goal, I will never actually achieve it.  Then I’m miserable for months because I didn’t do it.

So months ago I gave myself a goal of pulling off 42 pounds.  Basically.  So I began my weight loss journey.  It started out very slowly because I couldn’t grasp what I really needed to do to get on my way.  But I think I basically have my footing – other than breakfast.  (I am having issues finding something that fills me up longer than an hour.  But I will.)

But whatever I am doing, seems to be working.  I basically started this round September 2nd – exercising, eating smaller portions, etc.  Basically everything people tell you to do.  OH!  &&& I have basically given up soda and drink mostly water.  Like… a lot of water.

I had a work biometric a couple weeks ago and I was almost derailed.  Why?  Because their scale said two pounds.  Two.  Pounds.  Which is harsh to see when you feel like you’re doing great.  But then I decided that their scale isn’t the scale I’ve been using so I decided against going with it.  Had a doctors appointment today and was weighed.

Thirteen pounds difference.

That makes it all much better.  That makes me feel better.  Much better.  Knowing that I am, in fact, pulling the weight off – it makes everything feel fantastic.

Right now my work pants are falling off.  A shirt I bought a few years ago that was tight is not anymore.  So basically I’m just going to keep going.  I Have pants and shirts and bras in my closet that are too small that I really want to get into.

So – I have more work to do.

Dear Diary : #1

I don’t know what happened to me.  I used to be the epitome of writing.  Wrote constantly.  Anything && everything I could.  But now – not so much.  I know I complain about writing a lot, but I promise this isn’t going to be thirty-three paragraphs about how I just can’t seem to write anymore.

Nope.  Not in the least.

Today’s Complaint = I am in a reading rut!

(This also won’t be a thirty-two paragraph rant, either.)

I have tried a few different styles && a part of me thinks that is what may actually have put me in the rut.  Sadly, I LOVE romance novels.  Always have.  The idea that someone could have the perfect relationship – the kind they want, anyway – makes me happy.  Even if it’s between two fake people with fake families and fake friends.  The thoughts came from a real person.  So it counts somewhere.

Me?  I love reading romance, any kinds.  I love writing romance – all kinds.  (No “smut”, though, I can’t seem to get through that without laughing at myself.)  So no worries about getting the next 50 Shades of Grey.

Romance is my thing – has been since I could remember.  I love every aspect of a good romance novel.  But I like taking a romance novel and putting a horrible twist to it, so when the love reunites it’s even stronger than it ever was.

So I started my novel.  I figured I could do whatever I wanted and put the characters through what I choose fitting.  So November of 2012 I began my novel (“Frost”).  Oh, boy, was I excited.  The excitement is still there it’s just a tad burned out.  Not because I don’t want to finish it, I do!  Oh trust me, I want to finish it.  But I guess my goals just didn’t add up and now I’m a little on the sad part.

What goals?

I decided, when I began writing again (around nineteen), that I wanted to be published by 30.  That seems like a good amount of years to write a novel, send out manuscripts, and get someone to fall in love with my story.

The problem?

I’m a little under two months away from joining the 30’s Club &&& I still haven’t finished the novel.  Yeah, no reason to reread that line – you read it correctly.  I have been working on the novel for five years and I am still not finished.

Well, I have technically finished.  I have been working on the corrections since 2015 when I finished the rough draft.   But nope… still haven’t finished.  So I made myself a new goal, that I am trying my hardest to keep – but I have moments where I can’t seem to keep my attention long enough to correct it.

I want to finish it completely by my 30th birthday.  However, I honestly don’t see it happening, not because I don’t want to, but because it’s less than two months away and I’m still correcting chapter 11 out of… 24?

Am I up to twenty-three paragraphs yet?

I have faith, though, lots &&& lots of faith that I will finish the novel.  When?  I’m not 100% sure, but I know I will.  Getting it published may be a different story.  (Most companies, now, don’t take unsolicited manuscripts anymore.)

Anyhoo…

I’ll stop complaining now and go back to watching “Vampire Dairies” &&& playing Fallout Shelter on the PC.  Yes, I do realize I should be editing (which is why most people know me as a procrastinator) but I’m not.

Go figure.