Unexpectedly, you lose your job. (Or a loved one. Or something or someone important to you.) What do you do next?
I try to focus through the dark. A dark that seems darker than dark. Is that possible? The tears finally stopped leaking, my eyes are left swollen and sore. Almost dry. Who would have knew it was possible to have dry eyes after crying for days. Days that seem to blur together.
I realize I’m standing in the middle of the room clutching myself in hopes this is all a dream. A horrible dream that I wish to wake up from. I don’t move as the door opens, a friend standing in the door way. Her eyes red. Has she been crying? Why would she cry? This is my death. I’m supposed to be sad.
My friend walks in the room and sits on the edge of my bed. She doesn’t turn on a light. She starts to cry again. I reach my hand out. I want to make her feel better but instead, my hand just slips through her emerging on the other side. I crouch down in front of her, trying to see into her eyes. Urging her to be okay. She must be okay.
Aggravation settles deep within me. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. They are supposed to be happy. Making jokes, searching for what they want out of life. Not this. I throw my hands up in the air and remove myself from the room. I have to find something. What am I supposed to be finding?
The house is empty. Nothing. No furniture. Just a piece of lined paper with writing on it. I bend down, slightly, to pick up the paper but stop, remembering what happened with my friend. I straighten back up and stare down at the piece of paper. I slide my foot toward it, but instead of it just sitting there, it slides across the wood flooring. I take two steps, bend, and pick it up.
I wanted to accomplish so many things in life. None of which I did. No one will remember you and your few friends & family will not remember you in about three weeks. Three weeks. That is all you were worth. Nothing more.
Now you’re dead. What do you have to show for it? A wooden coffin that is right now being thrown off a bridge into a large body of water to float away into the hemisphere. A few tears were shed today while you were hiding at your funeral.
I couldn’t read anymore. I drop the paper and hurry toward the front door. It swings open, moving through me as if I wasn’t there, a shiver runs through my body. More people. People I don’t know. Why are they here? They walk through the paper and it shreds into a million pieces and flies away through the air.
A gust of wind. I turn and exit my house. I blink.
My house? It’s gone. Confusion clouds my judgement. This cannot be real. Why didn’t I move on? The next life. Something else. I look around, noticing all of the streets connected to one another with no street signs. No houses, people, animals, or buildings. Nothing.
What will I do next? Everything in my life is gone. I’m gone. What is my next move if I’m lost? Will I ever be found?
(Not sure this is what it wanted. But I started writing & this is what I got.)