Morty Pants : A Love Story

(I have been promising a short story for a while now.  So Saturday night at work as I was supposed to be working I wrote a ‘story’.  Around three o’clock in the morning I was bored out of my mind & began writing.  This is what I came up with.  I just want to stretch – this was three o’clock in the morning & I get very loopy.  This isn’t what all my writing is like, I just thought this was cute & funny.  Enjoy!)

Hello, I’m Short Mort wearing Morty Pants.

They are referred to “Morty pants’ because they are Mort’s pants.

You see… when bought there was a tag in the pocket.. “Dear Consumer.. Please take these Morty pants to Mort.  Address (censored because of stalkers)”

So the dear, nice, awesome person who bought them dropped them off on Mort’s porch with a note “Dear ‘mort’, I bought these pants and they spoke to me.  Scared me poopless.  You keep them.”

Mort picked up the pants and dropped them as soon as they began to wiggle in her palms.  As if being aired up by an air tank, they grew & grew until they were a full grown pair of pants.  It’s pockets blinked.

Mort flew backwards skidding across the wooden floor slamming her head into the bottom of the leather couch.  She stared at this pair of pants, now dancing across the porch, with her jaw on the floor.  Every single piece of sanity was sucked out of her face and escaped into thin air.

She drooled.

The pants began to move toward her.  A small gap between the bottom of the pants & the floor, as if someone was in them.  They approached her slowly.  Stalker-like.  Mort’s eyes grew wide; fearful.

They stopped abruptly at her feet and dropped to the floor.  Mort heard a small whisper and watched as the waist band moved up and down, “Mort.  Put me on.  You’ll love me.”

Mort thought about this for a moment but ended up undressing and slipping on the talking pants.  They button themselves and squeezed her tightly.  She gasped for air.

Just as they began to squeeze they released leaving Mort feeling comfortable and relaxed.  The pockets blinked and a small whisper began to speak, “see Mort.  Don’t you love me.  You know you love me.  LOVE ME MORT! LOVE ME!”

Mort shook her head.  The pants seeming unsatisfied squeezed her again taking with it all of her breath.  Mort felt a little disturbed at these pants.

The Morty Pants released her. The button flew off and slid to the ground.  “Step out.”  The pants were dominant in their request.  Mort stepped out and to the side.  The pants blew up slowly, turned its back to Mort and smoothly exited the room.

They stood on the porch looking out across the lawn.  “Mort, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.  We were supposed to be together.”

“We can still be together.”  Mort sadly replies.  Tears growing slowly in her eyes staring at the pants.

The pants walked down the steps and into the grass.  “No Mort, we cannot.  You’ve hurt me.  HURT ME!  And now…”  It’s small voice trailed off into the wind.

“Pants…. no!”  Mort screamed dropping to her knees.

The pants stopped for just a minute.  “Don’t act like this bothers you.  You don’t love me, Mort.”

Mort stood and dusted off her knees.  Tears sliding down her cheeks and blowing off into the wind.  She extended her hand out in front of her toward the pants.  “Come back…”

Morty Pants took a deep breath, it’s pockets blinking back lint, a small sniffle escaped it’s waistband.


A small breeze blew across Mort’s face.  “Oh crap!  It’s cold.”  She turns quickly and runs back into her living room shutting the door behind her.  She leaned her back against the door and flicked her shoes off.  realizing she still didn’t have pants on, she rushed to her bedroom and slipped on a small pair of shorts.

She drags herself away from her bedroom with thoughts of sleep sounding like such a great idea.  She shut the bedroom door behind her and leaned her back against it and sighed thinking of her lovely Morty pants.

“Oh how I love thee…”  She said out loud to a large tree sitting in front of her.  She blinks rapidly.  “Wait.. a tree?”

Mort stood there staring at this tree that looked like it literally grew through the floor, but never broke the floor as its roots penetrated the ground.

She walked around in circles looking up and down the trees trunk.  She blinked.  The tree was gone.

She blinked her eyes again.  Morty Pants stood in front of her.  She squealed.  She blinked again.  Gone.  She pouted feeling confused she blinked again.

Morty Pants showed themselves again.  This time she held her eyes open.  “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You know how to keep me here.  For good.”  Morty Pants sounded cryptic.

“How?  Oh, please Morty Pants tell me!”  She pleaded.

“Just admit you love me.”  The pocket eyes blinked.

“Oh Morty Pants… I do love you.”  She jumped toward the pants and hugged them.  Quickly removed her shorts and slipped herself inside of Morty Pants.  The button fastened and hugged around her hips.


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