Revisionist History.

Today’s Daily Prompt : Go back in time to an event you think could have played out differently for you. Let alternate history have its moment: tell us what could, would or should have happened?

I could sit here and think of a few things I wish had played out differently.  Losing my mother.  Losing my father.  But out of everything that has happened in my life there really is only one thing that was under my control & I should have done differently.  Well, two things.  And sadly, both were about school.  Go figure!

When I lost my mother in high school I never felt the same afterwards.  I never felt like the “Barbara” I was before.  Now, I don’t remember her.  She’s gone and I cannot, no matter what I do, find who she was.  I’ve tried.

One thing that changed for me was high school.  I can remember trying so hard to finish, mostly for my mother, she had so many dreams for me.  Her and I had decided that after I graduated that we’d attend the same college and get a degree in Law.  Become lawyers.  Open our own firm and call it Hightower -N- Hightower.  It never happened.

When I entered eleventh grade, the counselor and I had discovered a way to keep me in school and graduate with my class.  A few extra courses and no electives.  Which was fine with me.  I was excited to finally be a junior with only one year left.  I went in with my head high.

Two months passed.  The feelings I had back in ninth flew back faster than I thought was possible.  I remember walking through the hallway and felt like the walls were literally closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe.  It was if I was not where I was supposed to be.

I never went back.

That began my life of wondering, I guess you could say.  I never had a “home” and no matter where I was at I never felt at “home”.  I felt like a drifter.  I never thought my life would become that.  I held odd and end jobs after wards, never fulfilling anything.  Because I knew, deep down inside, that what I wanted was an education. I’ve always loved to learn new things and fill my head full of information that not many people had.

When I got into a job that accused me of stealing, after talking to my dad, I decided to go to college.  After three semesters of college, one of which I lost my dad during, I flunked.  Why?  Because I let everyone tell me that the best thing to do was stick it out and not drop all my classes.  I dropped two and kept two.  I now owe the school 1400$, and until it’s paid I cannot go back.

If I could do it differently?  I wouldn’t have quit high school.  I would have went back.  I hadn’t missed any school up to that point, and I was actually passing.  I would have stuck it out and went to the college I dreamed about, Texas Tech University.  I’d be graduating.  I’d be happy.

Instead, I owe a college money, and I am never going to live out my dream of writing because I cannot afford to pay off the college.

When it came to college if I couldn’t have saved high school, I would have dropped all of the classes instead of just two.  Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish.  I pulled out the semester I lost my dad with a 4.0, & the next semester got to me.  I knew I wasn’t going to pass, but instead of listening to myself I listened to everyone else.  Just like when I picked my major.  Instead of picking English, like I wanted to in the first place, I have three semesters in for Business Management, when I don’t want to be a manager of nothing.

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3 thoughts on “Revisionist History.

  1. You do not need to go to college to be a writer. In order to be a writer, one just writes. There is much on the internet already that can help you with your journalism skills, free stuff. Also there is a website for Writer’s Digest, which gives pointers, advice, and a community page to share with other writers. I used to purchase books from WD–back before I ran out of places for books. Still have many of them on a shelf ready to review should I get stuck.
    http://www.writersdigest.com/

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