I found myself walking the path my mother & I used to walk when I was younger. Younger as in, around twelve, I’m not really that old now. At least that’s what I am telling myself when I think about turning 25 next month. Is it too early in life to start freaking out about age?
Her & I used to walk it because there are hills. Unless you walk it backwards of course. We never did. I remember we walked it slow. Talked. I don’t think I could tell you any of the conversations. But I remember we done nothing but talked. I was listening to music as I walked it. Mostly to drown out the jokes about “the fat girl walking”. The only thing I wonder how are you supposed to become the not fat girl walking if people make fun of you for walking?
I used to walk a lot. I love to walk. I’m not going to say that I used to walk every day & it’s all I thought about. That’s a lie. I used to walk maybe once or twice a week. If you’re lucky. When my brother started driving you were lucky to ever see me walking. Why walk when I have a ride? But the jokes I heard was half the reason I stopped walking. The other half? It’s a mix between being extremely lazy & the pains I get from walking. You know. Because I am lazy.
Lazy is something I really must get over. The pain I can eventually walk out. If I am sitting still that’s when I hurt. But if I keep moving then I don’t hurt. (duh!) It’s just that, though. I don’t even want to be moving. Honestly. All I want to do is close all the doors, clothes the blinds, & get on the couch & sleep. But I haven’t. I’m still awake. Mostly. A part of me I really believe is asleep.
Don’t let me lie though. I did doze off about fifteen minutes ago. My cell phone woke me up & began moving around.
The walk yesterday was surprisingly good, though. I was sore from the day before but I ended up walking out the pains. Even though I cramped a couple times going up a hill. Twice.
My next problem I have to get over? Not eating dinner so late.
Last night I felt great after my walk. But I was hungry & I wasn’t able to make dinner until around ten o’clock at night. When, even I know, you are supposed to eat dinner before six & if you have a twang of hunger – snack. Nothing large. Small. But sometimes I find myself sleeping until three. Dinner at five? Then what? I’m hungry again by nine & I need to be in bed by ten. It doesn’t work out very well. I understand how it works. Breakfast. Snack. Lunch. Snack. Dinner. Snack. But two problems. One. I rarely eat breakfast. Let alone breakfast, snack, lunch, snack. I find myself sometimes only eating once a day. Does anybody really eat six times a day?
I honestly think this weight isn’t going to go anywhere. I don’t have the time or the money to do this. What does money have to do with anything? I haven’t had groceries in my house in two months. Why? Because I cannot afford to buy groceries. But if I think of it logically. I don’t buy groceries because I need to eat at work on the weekends. So I keep money for lunches. If I buy groceries, I can take a lunch. Especially since I am sick of the casino food. (It’s the same thing every day. Literally.) I think my logic just faded. (I’m not sure I had logic to begin with. Shut up!)
I will say this much. My “work week” ends on Tuesday morning. I arrive at home around 6:30 in the morning. I am usually asleep by 7. Then I normally sleep all day. I’m talking waking up around 9 in the evening. Get up & eat. Then go back to sleep until around 7 in the morning on Wednesday. I lost my Tuesday. The week though, I set my alarm for 3 in the afternoon. & I was awake until around 11 PM. I felt wonderful all day. & still do feel wonderful. It’s something to keep in mind.
Maybe I will just become bulimic.